I'm not sure how you're typically supposed to feel about having the privilege to see a Pain Team, but from my emotions right now, I'm feeling excited. Not in a way that might suggest optimism for a life without my chronic pain; rather, just a slight hope that these people might find a way to keep it under control. Or help it anyway.
Medically, I don't think we give ourselves enough credit for the way we sustain ourselves through sickness and/or disability. This is something we're talking a lot about in my Feminist Disability Studies class, and it's vital to broadening our knowledge on the topic of medicalization.
Typically, when your body gets sick, it reacts to fighting back against the unconsented issue. The doctors' roll within our recovery is only a fraction of the fight, to how we actively decide mentally, and how much our body is willing to fight for our souls to keep moving through the world in our external shell. Overall, the medical assistance we receive - if we are so lucky - does not entirely depend on the result of our lives. You have to have the will to want to live.
Lately this has been something that I've been struggling with. I recognize that my life is in a good place and for the most part, I am happy, but circumstances have not been kind recently, and my depression has been whispering lustful temptations in my inner-ears. I acknowledge that mental health can worsen physical pain, so I've been doing my best to carve out time for myself and take care of myself in the ways only I know how. I am grateful, at least, that I am sure enough of myself to know what I need.
In the past recent months, the chronic pain in my leg has once again elevated to the level where for the last 2 years I went in for Neurolysis surgery to (temporarily) correct this. Quite obviously I can't just keep having surgeries every time my leg pain returns with the most wicked intentions, but this is what I'm hoping tomorrow's Pain Team can help with. I am doing my part to try and stay positive, not overdo it and keep myself comfortable, but I could use some help.
Because the pain in my amputated leg has gotten so bad in the past little while, it has inevitably lead to spreading more centrally throughout my body - as chronic pain has the tendency to do. I get a lot of pain everywhere now, and am constantly popping pills and having to limit myself more than I'd like. Now with a fresh mindset on working out, I do so often, but not without repercussions
. Through this journey, I've been able to be more mindful and accepting in everyday life that limitations are okay, and modification is important for me because it is what will allow me to thrive in a lot always accommodative society.
That's it for this week's #MotivationalMonday, as I wrote this Sunday night to be proactive and am starting to feel very sleepy. The real motivation I'll provide you with to start your week though, is: are you doing all you can to make sure you are Well? (Mentally and physically?) If the answer is no, or even a maybe, consider readjusting how you're currently taking care of yourself, and remember to prioritize yourself. YOU are the most important thing in your life.
Take good care,